Why Drop-Offs Feel Harder This Year: Supporting Separation and Settling in Early Learning

September brings new children, new families, new routines, and new expectations all at once. Even children who have been in care and school before may struggle more than anticipated.

Big feelings at drop-off, increased clinginess, and behaviour changes during the day are common signs that children are still settling. If your mornings feel more intense this year, you’re not imagining it.

This article breaks down what’s really happening during separation, why drop-offs can take longer than expected, and how educators can support children (and families) through the settling-in period.

A group of children with a teacher exploring bells and their sounds

Separation Is About Nervous Systems, Not “Attachment Problems”

Separation challenges don’t mean children are overly dependent or “not ready.”

Separation requires children to:

• trust unfamiliar adults

• adjust to a new environment

• regulate emotions without their primary caregiver nearby

• predict what will happen next

That’s a lot to manage, especially in busy group settings where sensory input, transitions, and social demands are constant.

Big reactions at drop-off often mean a child’s nervous system is still learning that this environment is safe and predictable.

Important reminder: Separation distress is a normal response to change, not a failure to cope.

What Helps During Drop-Off and What Can Make It Harder

Settling happens faster when adults are predictable. Children don’t need us to remove the feelings, they need us to show them we can hold the feelings while the routine stays steady.

Helpful supports during drop-off include:

• predictable routines that happen the same way each day

• calm, confident adult responses

• clear, simple language (for example: “Mom will come back after snack.”)

• quick, supported goodbyes rather than lingering uncertainty

Things that often make separation harder:

• rushing or pressuring the child to “be okay”

• long, emotional goodbyes

• inconsistent responses between adults

• minimizing feelings (“You’re fine, don’t cry.”)

Children settle faster when they feel understood and supported, not pushed.

Supporting Families Without Blame or Pressure

Families are often carrying their own worries at drop-off. Many feel guilt, anxiety, or fear they’re doing something wrong.

Teachers and ECEs can reduce family stress, and indirectly support the child, by:

• normalizing separation difficulties

• reassuring families that big feelings are common

• sharing how the child settles during the day (even small wins matter)

• keeping communication consistent and calm

When families feel supported, children often settle more easily. Not because the feelings disappear, but because the adults around them feel steadier.

How Long Should Settling In Take?

There’s no fixed timeline.

Some children settle in days. Others need weeks, especially if they:

• are new to group care

• have experienced recent changes (new home, new sibling, illness, moves)

• are more sensitive to transitions or sensory input

It may be helpful to ask questions or seek additional support when:

• distress remains intense with little improvement

• behaviour escalates rather than eases over time

• a child struggles to engage even with support

• educators feel unsure how to help the child feel safe

Your observations are key in understanding whether a child is simply adjusting or whether settling requires additional support.

Supporting Settling Without Trying to “Fix” the Feelings

Drop-off tears can be hard to witness, especially in a busy room where you’re also supporting other children. But separation distress isn’t something to eliminate quickly, it’s something to move through safely.

The goal is not a tear-free morning.

The goal is:

• predictable routines

• supportive adults

• a nervous system that learns (over time) that care is safe

That learning is real work for young children and your steadiness is part of what teaches it.

Questions About Drop-Offs, Separation, or Settling?

If you’re seeing prolonged separation distress, escalating drop-off struggles, or behaviour changes that don’t seem to settle, you don’t have to guess your way through it.

Have questions about settling, separation, or drop-offs? Educator questions guide our future supports and training topics. Don't hesitate to send us a message!

Allied Therapy

Supporting children, families, and the educators who care for them

Speech Therapy • Occupational Therapy • Behaviour Therapy

Nova Scotia